I want to say I was 12 when I got to Utah. They were on a year round school schedule so there were some difficulties getting registered. I ended up missing the first three weeks of school so I got to spend a little time with my dad... My dad was the reason I went out there. As much as I wanted to get away from Paul's abuse, I wanted my dad. My older brother and I had been going to Utah for summer vacation since I was 7. It gave my mom a chance to get things together at the house and it gave dad a chance to see us. Most of the time we just were with our grandparents. We always visited family or museums. We also would get to go to the water park by their place once a summer. It was a few days in the two months we were out there we would get to spend with our dad. He liked computers and guitars and those were both topics that my older brother was more interested in. It was pretty common for me to feel left out of conversations with my dad. When he would stop and listen to me I could see that he was doing it just to humor me. I wanted him to be interested in what I was saying or in the things I liked. I didn't want to have to like what he liked to get his attention. I still wish he would reach out to talk to me.
When I got to my dad's place he was living with his girlfriend and her two kids. The boy Tim was three years older and the girl Tina was two years older. Tina was cute. The last summer we had been out there we had met them before. It was nice to be there on my own since my older brother and Tina had "messed around" and acted like they were too cool to hang out with me during the summer. The first couple days Tina and I talked and she got to know me. I liked sports bikes and being a good man. When I was this age really all I thought about being when I grew up was a good husband and father. Tina grew up with out her dad in the picture so my ideals sounded great to her. She often told me how sweet I was.
There were 2 guest bedrooms and a shower in the basement. Everyone was up on the main floor. I liked having my own space in the basement it was the first time I had my own room. Tim would have me go out and go on bike rides with him. It usually was just going to his friends place and then he would tell me to head home. It was not uncommon for me to get lost and I would ride until I found a street I recognized. There were a few times where he was smoking pot and wanted me to partake. I always had to argue with him because I didn't want anything to do with drugs.
One Friday night Tina was having a friend of hers stay the night. There was a tv and video game system in the other bedroom downstairs. I had been playing F-Zero and was told I had to let the girl have that bedroom, I was to leave them alone. I went in to my room and laid down. A few hours later Tina climbed into bed with me. She kissed me for a little bit then asked what I thought of her friend. I said "I don't know" worrying I was being set up for some kind of trap after kissing a little more She left to the other room and came back with her friend. That is when I lost my virginity. After that Tina started coming into my room about every other night. There were a couple more times where she had friends stay the night and they would always end up in my room. At the time I was amazed they liked me. This was the first sexual experience I had wanted to be involved in. Growing up I would get called fag or faggot, queer, homo not because I was gay just because those were the insults that were used most prevalently. I had wondered if being molested as a child would skew my sexuality. Even though I knew this was wrong. It made me think being molested didn't ruin me. I was still enough of a man for someone to like, to love. I was man enough for a few girls. None of them ever talked to me at school. I was younger than they were. I understood that I wasn't cool enough for them at school but when it was all of us at the house the other girls could have gone to Tim's room. He was older and cooler than I was... but they didn't. I don't know exactly what that meant but it meant enough for me.
One day at school an older boy came over to me at lunch and sat down with me. It turned out he was sitting behind Tina in a class where she was talking with the two girls she had brought over to stay the night. At first he didn't catch that our parents were dating, we are not brother and sister. He went from being disgusted to impressed. Word got around to a few people at the school and word got to Tina's mom. She was down in my room when I got home and she asked me what happened. I told her everything and she was surprisingly understanding. I called my mom and told her I needed to get out of there. My mom had a friend that helped her get the ticket to fly me back. It was made known to several people in my family that that had happened. It is one of those things you just never talk about.
When I got home my mom had moved out to Long Lake. I wanted to stay at the same middle school I had been at with Sam. Sam lent me her dad's bike so I could ride the 8 miles to school. I made the first month of school then it started raining. There were a few days I started for school and I was so wet by the time I got halfway there I just went home. Then I got in the habit of missing school. My mom wasn't sure what to do with me so she sent me to live with her mom. The same woman that broke a fireplace poker over my mom's back. She sent me there. She knew I needed more structure. I had been running around on my bike for years. I knew how to work, I just avoided it. My grandma Murphy and her husband owned a motel in Long Beach, WA. I was told I would have to help them clean rooms to pay for my room. It was said jokingly but I knew there was truth to it.
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