I want to say I was 12 when I got to Utah. They were on a year round school schedule so there were some difficulties getting registered. I ended up missing the first three weeks of school so I got to spend a little time with my dad... My dad was the reason I went out there. As much as I wanted to get away from Paul's abuse, I wanted my dad. My older brother and I had been going to Utah for summer vacation since I was 7. It gave my mom a chance to get things together at the house and it gave dad a chance to see us. Most of the time we just were with our grandparents. We always visited family or museums. We also would get to go to the water park by their place once a summer. It was a few days in the two months we were out there we would get to spend with our dad. He liked computers and guitars and those were both topics that my older brother was more interested in. It was pretty common for me to feel left out of conversations with my dad. When he would stop and listen to me I could see that he was doing it just to humor me. I wanted him to be interested in what I was saying or in the things I liked. I didn't want to have to like what he liked to get his attention. I still wish he would reach out to talk to me.
When I got to my dad's place he was living with his girlfriend and her two kids. The boy Tim was three years older and the girl Tina was two years older. Tina was cute. The last summer we had been out there we had met them before. It was nice to be there on my own since my older brother and Tina had "messed around" and acted like they were too cool to hang out with me during the summer. The first couple days Tina and I talked and she got to know me. I liked sports bikes and being a good man. When I was this age really all I thought about being when I grew up was a good husband and father. Tina grew up with out her dad in the picture so my ideals sounded great to her. She often told me how sweet I was.
There were 2 guest bedrooms and a shower in the basement. Everyone was up on the main floor. I liked having my own space in the basement it was the first time I had my own room. Tim would have me go out and go on bike rides with him. It usually was just going to his friends place and then he would tell me to head home. It was not uncommon for me to get lost and I would ride until I found a street I recognized. There were a few times where he was smoking pot and wanted me to partake. I always had to argue with him because I didn't want anything to do with drugs.
One Friday night Tina was having a friend of hers stay the night. There was a tv and video game system in the other bedroom downstairs. I had been playing F-Zero and was told I had to let the girl have that bedroom, I was to leave them alone. I went in to my room and laid down. A few hours later Tina climbed into bed with me. She kissed me for a little bit then asked what I thought of her friend. I said "I don't know" worrying I was being set up for some kind of trap after kissing a little more She left to the other room and came back with her friend. That is when I lost my virginity. After that Tina started coming into my room about every other night. There were a couple more times where she had friends stay the night and they would always end up in my room. At the time I was amazed they liked me. This was the first sexual experience I had wanted to be involved in. Growing up I would get called fag or faggot, queer, homo not because I was gay just because those were the insults that were used most prevalently. I had wondered if being molested as a child would skew my sexuality. Even though I knew this was wrong. It made me think being molested didn't ruin me. I was still enough of a man for someone to like, to love. I was man enough for a few girls. None of them ever talked to me at school. I was younger than they were. I understood that I wasn't cool enough for them at school but when it was all of us at the house the other girls could have gone to Tim's room. He was older and cooler than I was... but they didn't. I don't know exactly what that meant but it meant enough for me.
One day at school an older boy came over to me at lunch and sat down with me. It turned out he was sitting behind Tina in a class where she was talking with the two girls she had brought over to stay the night. At first he didn't catch that our parents were dating, we are not brother and sister. He went from being disgusted to impressed. Word got around to a few people at the school and word got to Tina's mom. She was down in my room when I got home and she asked me what happened. I told her everything and she was surprisingly understanding. I called my mom and told her I needed to get out of there. My mom had a friend that helped her get the ticket to fly me back. It was made known to several people in my family that that had happened. It is one of those things you just never talk about.
When I got home my mom had moved out to Long Lake. I wanted to stay at the same middle school I had been at with Sam. Sam lent me her dad's bike so I could ride the 8 miles to school. I made the first month of school then it started raining. There were a few days I started for school and I was so wet by the time I got halfway there I just went home. Then I got in the habit of missing school. My mom wasn't sure what to do with me so she sent me to live with her mom. The same woman that broke a fireplace poker over my mom's back. She sent me there. She knew I needed more structure. I had been running around on my bike for years. I knew how to work, I just avoided it. My grandma Murphy and her husband owned a motel in Long Beach, WA. I was told I would have to help them clean rooms to pay for my room. It was said jokingly but I knew there was truth to it.
Sunday, June 28, 2015
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
Friends part 1
Growing up it seemed we moved about every three years. That made making life long friends an impossible task. Which I was ok with at first. When I was in kindergarten. There was a girl that followed me everywhere. Her name was Rose. If I was playing with a truck on the floor she would wrap her arms around me and follow wherever I went. At lunch she would sit next to me and lean on me as she ate. She was crazy about me. It drove me nuts. Her mom would talk to my mom about how all she talks about is me and that they should try to keep us in the same classes. I was 5 and had been for all of a month. I honestly don't know what she liked. She didn't talk to me. She would stare at me or try to hug me or hold my hand. The teacher thought it was cute so she would let Rose go at it. If I ever pushed her away or ran from her and made her cry I would get in trouble. At first it was a time out in the corner. Then it turned into spankings. One day it was pretty bad. I told my mom while we were riding the city bus home that I wanted to stand on the bus because it hurt.-
(Fun side note: The last time I got a time out was in the 8th grade and is the longest time out I ever had. It was for the duration of the movie The Land before Time. We had been doing work earlier in the day and The Teacher was standing at the desk of the female student in front of me. He was helping her with something and was leaning over her desk. I would guess with where he was standing and what she was wearing he had direct line of sight down her shirt. He had been standing there for a few minutes when I noticed he was blatantly aroused. I then asked him in a loud voice "Why do you have a boner?" He turned red, turned on a movie and I stood in the corner for an hour and a half.)
- My mom went in and talked to the principal. He argued that I was not well behaved and shouldn't push girls. My mom came in on a regular basis after that and kept her off me when she was there. I ended up getting held back because I was having some issues with a few letters which later turned out to be dyslexia. I think they may have taken into account my age. My birthday is the 7th of August and the cut off is August 31st. I don't know if I would say Rose was a friend but she was a person who was in my life if I wanted it or not.
Robbie was in the second grade with me. He also lived in the same apartments. We would ride bikes around the apartments together, build jumps, throw the football or baseball, climb trees, build forts, run to the corner store and so on. He had a younger sister that had to tag along sometimes. She was nice enough but she was a girl and about 2 years younger. He was my first best friend and it stayed that way until about 4th grade. He started trying to distance himself at school and didn't like other kids knowing he was my friend. One day we were playing at his house. It was raining so we couldn't be outside. Robbie asked if I wanted to play doctor and I told him no but he insisted and we went up to his sisters room and asked her if she wanted to play. She said yes and got up on her bed under the sheet and took her pants off. Robbie said he would go first and got under the sheet. I was not cool with this and I went to his mom and told her what was going on. Robbie got super pissed at me and said he didn't want to be my friend anymore. I headed home. The next day I was out climbing on the playground at the complex when Robbie came out with a baseball bat. He told me he wanted to play baseball. I said I would go get my glove and he said no we are just pretending. He asked if I would play catcher and I said ok. He took the bat and hit me in the head with it. It was kind of half hearted. (Thankfully) He was probably worried about really hurting me. I on the other hand just got hit in the head with a bat so I stood up, grabbed is head and stuck it between my knees, and picked him up. I dropped to my knees slamming his head into the ground, also known as a pile driver.
He knew I was bigger than him and in a fair fight I would win. He found out in an unfair fight, I still win. We had classes together until the 5th grade. In sports I always made a point to play against him and be better than him. I think this is where my intense competitive side comes from. If I play a game I can remember it is a game but when it comes to contests of skill or sport the best person wins and I have to do my best. We will get into sports another day though.
In school I always talked with everyone. I didn't think about popularity until middle school. I just kind of figured you were nice to everyone. After Robbie I didn't have another friend I trusted for a few years. There were some family friends and cousins we would see on occasion but for the most part at home I was running around on my own. We moved out to Lacey and we lived by a golf course there. The middle school had 6th, 7th, and 8th grade. In the 6th grade I was one of the tallest kids in the school. There was this girl Sam that lived in the neighborhood behind where the apartments were. Sam was a self proclaimed tomboy. She liked to play with the boys. During lunch she could often be found in the gym playing basketball. That was where we got to know each other. I thought it was cool that she wanted to be that good. When we got to talking I found out she lived two blocks from me and for the next two years we were inseparable. She had me go to her grandma's with her for the weekend. Sam didn't want to hang out with her brother alone all weekend. Her cousin surprised her and I was worried I was going to end up the third wheel. She took me aside and told me how cool her cousin was and how out of my league she was. "She dates high school boys." I turned on the charm because I could see a challenge when one was presented to me. Sam's cousin snuck into the room I was in that night and we made out for a few hours. The next day when I told Sam, I thought she would be impressed...that was not the case. She didn't talk to me all of Sunday or on the way home. Monday at school she wrote me a note saying she was sorry and she did not want to lose me as a friend. I told her girls that pretty never paid attention to me before. I apologized for not knowing better.
Things with my stepdad were not good in the home and at the end of the school year I headed out to Utah to try and live with my dad and his new girlfriend. I called Sam every now and then. We wrote back and forth about twice a month the whole 2 months I was out in Utah...
I will explain why I was only out in Utah for 2 months next time in Friends part 2.
(Fun side note: The last time I got a time out was in the 8th grade and is the longest time out I ever had. It was for the duration of the movie The Land before Time. We had been doing work earlier in the day and The Teacher was standing at the desk of the female student in front of me. He was helping her with something and was leaning over her desk. I would guess with where he was standing and what she was wearing he had direct line of sight down her shirt. He had been standing there for a few minutes when I noticed he was blatantly aroused. I then asked him in a loud voice "Why do you have a boner?" He turned red, turned on a movie and I stood in the corner for an hour and a half.)
- My mom went in and talked to the principal. He argued that I was not well behaved and shouldn't push girls. My mom came in on a regular basis after that and kept her off me when she was there. I ended up getting held back because I was having some issues with a few letters which later turned out to be dyslexia. I think they may have taken into account my age. My birthday is the 7th of August and the cut off is August 31st. I don't know if I would say Rose was a friend but she was a person who was in my life if I wanted it or not.
Robbie was in the second grade with me. He also lived in the same apartments. We would ride bikes around the apartments together, build jumps, throw the football or baseball, climb trees, build forts, run to the corner store and so on. He had a younger sister that had to tag along sometimes. She was nice enough but she was a girl and about 2 years younger. He was my first best friend and it stayed that way until about 4th grade. He started trying to distance himself at school and didn't like other kids knowing he was my friend. One day we were playing at his house. It was raining so we couldn't be outside. Robbie asked if I wanted to play doctor and I told him no but he insisted and we went up to his sisters room and asked her if she wanted to play. She said yes and got up on her bed under the sheet and took her pants off. Robbie said he would go first and got under the sheet. I was not cool with this and I went to his mom and told her what was going on. Robbie got super pissed at me and said he didn't want to be my friend anymore. I headed home. The next day I was out climbing on the playground at the complex when Robbie came out with a baseball bat. He told me he wanted to play baseball. I said I would go get my glove and he said no we are just pretending. He asked if I would play catcher and I said ok. He took the bat and hit me in the head with it. It was kind of half hearted. (Thankfully) He was probably worried about really hurting me. I on the other hand just got hit in the head with a bat so I stood up, grabbed is head and stuck it between my knees, and picked him up. I dropped to my knees slamming his head into the ground, also known as a pile driver.
He knew I was bigger than him and in a fair fight I would win. He found out in an unfair fight, I still win. We had classes together until the 5th grade. In sports I always made a point to play against him and be better than him. I think this is where my intense competitive side comes from. If I play a game I can remember it is a game but when it comes to contests of skill or sport the best person wins and I have to do my best. We will get into sports another day though.
In school I always talked with everyone. I didn't think about popularity until middle school. I just kind of figured you were nice to everyone. After Robbie I didn't have another friend I trusted for a few years. There were some family friends and cousins we would see on occasion but for the most part at home I was running around on my own. We moved out to Lacey and we lived by a golf course there. The middle school had 6th, 7th, and 8th grade. In the 6th grade I was one of the tallest kids in the school. There was this girl Sam that lived in the neighborhood behind where the apartments were. Sam was a self proclaimed tomboy. She liked to play with the boys. During lunch she could often be found in the gym playing basketball. That was where we got to know each other. I thought it was cool that she wanted to be that good. When we got to talking I found out she lived two blocks from me and for the next two years we were inseparable. She had me go to her grandma's with her for the weekend. Sam didn't want to hang out with her brother alone all weekend. Her cousin surprised her and I was worried I was going to end up the third wheel. She took me aside and told me how cool her cousin was and how out of my league she was. "She dates high school boys." I turned on the charm because I could see a challenge when one was presented to me. Sam's cousin snuck into the room I was in that night and we made out for a few hours. The next day when I told Sam, I thought she would be impressed...that was not the case. She didn't talk to me all of Sunday or on the way home. Monday at school she wrote me a note saying she was sorry and she did not want to lose me as a friend. I told her girls that pretty never paid attention to me before. I apologized for not knowing better.
Things with my stepdad were not good in the home and at the end of the school year I headed out to Utah to try and live with my dad and his new girlfriend. I called Sam every now and then. We wrote back and forth about twice a month the whole 2 months I was out in Utah...
I will explain why I was only out in Utah for 2 months next time in Friends part 2.
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